Day 15 of the Fast

I was just thinking how lovely of a relationship I was having with the bugs around here when no more than 3 minutes later I was bit on my left toe by a red ant. Man that hurts bad! I didn't kill the ant but thanked it for the bit. I know sounds strange,7a but maybe it was a good thing. I have read the first book in the Anastasia, Ringing Cedar Tree series, by Valdemir Megre, I highly recommend it. In the book it discusses bugs and the relationship of Man with the earth and all of our surroundings. I have always treated bugs with respect (mostly).

The analogy of my bug bite and going along thinking that life is dandy and all is well, then an awakening happens like a bug bit, or you get side swiped and confronted with things that one should just not have to confront.

The weekend was interesting. I participated in a sweat lodge Friday night and it was great. Darol watched Kanyon, being that he feels too weak to do a sweat.

Thoughts and contemplation of what and how I want to play out the next steps of our lives, where I might like to live, re prioritizing, and feeling all sorts of emotions mixed up in it all.

I find myself angry at times, being hard on myself, and being triggered into the fears of disbelief , death, and not being good enough, not able to do enough, heal enough, make enough money, do it all on my own enough, love enough, be patient enough, breath enough.....sometimes I have just had enough.


....and then Kanyon smiles, says mom, wants me to jump on the trampoline and I'm pulled back into some positive playful lighthearted life that's still here waiting for me to join in.

I am not looking forward at all to going back to the city. We have created a culture and society that feels hard, stress filled, and unnatural, disengaged from so many of the magical elements of nature and consumed with consumer issues.

I get to go play with Kanyon now.