Five months have passed since Darol transitioned. The actual anniversary date marking the 8th of June was fairly easy. Today has been hard as I have found myself sinking into despair and depression. Overwhelmed with life, the unfinished life we began together, the tears, the anger, the frustration, the sadness, and the reality settling in that he is not coming home, that I get to do it all on my own. Nothing seems sweet today, food doesn't taste the same, and even though I have a nack for finding the beauty in everything and today I did recognize the beauty of this day, it still is not the same, and it sucks. I feel like I am a mess and my marbles are scattered all over the place. I just want to leave all my marbles and, Today I just want to fly home.
Perhaps a bath, some sleep, and a new day and I will be ok?
It's not entirely true that I want to leave all my marbles, the one thing I always love and care for is Kanyon.
It's just that today I find myself not wanting to care about much, like what's the point, I know this is temporary,even though the reality of Darol is not, and honoring the feelings that are coming up in me and actually allowing them space, even though it has been filled with doing my commitments is better than stuffing them entirely.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
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