I have joined Darol in Mesa, AZ now. I was inspired to fly out on his birthday the 28th of Dec. I felt the urgency when I spoke wiht him the day before and he informed me that he could no longer stand on his own.
His sister told me they were arranging a wheelchair for him. I connected with Dr. Young and was informed to get Darol on a feeding tube ASAP, and to go be with my husband right away.
I contacted a wonderful friend and asked her to join me on my journey to support me with Kanyon and my emotionally turbulent time. .She has been a Godsend.
I was shocked to see my lover's health decline so rapidly in the week we were apart. I have not taken any pictures of him because it is a tender time and he is in a fragile state. His facial bones are very prominent and he is thinner. I also noticed a few more tumors since our time together last. He is still such a beautiful man even though he has changed so much with his weight loss and has many tumors. He reminds me of Jesus, how he looked on the cross in some of the images I have seen. Darol once posed for a painter who was commissioned to paint pictures of Jesus for a major church. He's been the closest thing I know of Jesus.
It was wonderful to be with him on his birthday and to see my sweet ocean eyes again. He shared with me that he had been having some good days and some scary days and that he was glad I was there with him, which made my heart melt. Just holding his hand, and rubbing his feet are such sweet gifts.
Darol's family has all come together and are supporting him in the best ways they know how. They have been very sweet to me and opened their homes, car, and hearts to us.
I still can't believe this is happening.
Today we finished discussing and signing the living will documents.
Darol is still holding on and hopeful about his future. I am scared. I don't want to loose him. He has been and is the sweetest, most magical, wonder maker in my world and for every one he graces paths with.
Darol went for a colonic today. It was rough on him, he experienced a lot of pain, even with all the morphine and comfort measures we provided. I was drained by the time we got back. Mostly emotionally, but my body felt it too.
Darol is doing the best he can eating and drinking, although it is not very much. Darol assures me that we will have many more magical days to come. God I hope he's right.
The way his body is responding now is not in alignment with that.
I don't know how long I will get with him. All I know is that I love him, he is here now, and I can still dream and visualize him being miraculously healed. My heart wants this intensely.
Our 5 Year wedding anniversary is today and tomorrow. We always had to celebrate it for more than one day. It all started out that fairy tale three day weekend we became an "US" and I knew on that magical weekend that he was THE ONE as he brushed the sand off my fresh beach feet, while he knelt down and used my socks to get every last grain out from between my toes and then put my shoes on for me.
New Years Eve 5 Years ago we were on the beach of Santa Barbara celebrating in the night with a huge yellow full moon in the sky with friends and family our official union. This year I know it is yet another full moon night, a special one indeed, a blue moon. I am making my wish this night as we finish our year and begin another for the healing of my husband. The plan is to spend the night in bed with him, a sweet treat indeed, we have not slept in the same bed since, we left our home in SLC over 4 weeks ago. I am looking forward to sharing that sacred space with him on a magical evening and ringing in the new year.
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Spring,
ReplyDeleteDarol is a wonderful friend. He is literally the nicest person I know. Everyone here at Rastar cares greatly about Darol. We’re all thinking about your family and hoping for the best.
I only barely met you at Jameson's Birthday party, but you and your family are often in my thoughts. I admire your strength and positivity in an impossible situation.
ReplyDeletemy dear spring,
ReplyDeletetears abound, what can i possibly say that words will not insult. the human heart has endured so much and yet we continue to love in spite of such pain. as we/i continue to witness the metamorphosis of our self into that which we will all endure, it comes no less heart wrenching, like a cud of waste in the throat that refuses to go down, the tears that seem to be unanswered, the shortness of breath that refuses to allow release, our nightmare will become our door way to the next chapter in our book of sorrow , you are loved and will continue to be, there is never a good time for pain, never a good time for loss, only time for time, bravery is not the presence of courage but the absence of fear, may we all know the hollow voice of fear lost in the light of those that we seek love in, you have shown us uncommon strength, tomorrow’s sun will rise and so does our love for whom all we know.
Spring, I hope you will convey to Darol the sweet love we have for him. It seemed such a short time ago we were in that restaurant together -Sweet Tomatoes, I think it was called -hearing the story of how you two met.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Rock
Dearest Spring,
ReplyDeleteyou have been on my mind, with growing intensity- the past several days...culminating into a very strong feeling today. I love you and Darol. I am so thrilled that you are together! I felt so sad at the reading of your last blog entry.
I feel such a sweet peace for Darol and you both. I know that your Angels are with you! I deeply call forth that you will have the wonderful miracle of getting to sleep together in the same bed. You both really deserve this closeness.
Happy Anniversary to the both of you and may you be blessed with the sweet peace and comfort, that you so richly deserve.
With Love and Light Always,
Connie Waterman xxoo x 4
Dearest Spring,
ReplyDeleteIt was so good to visit with Darol during his stay here in Mesa. The facetime was long overdue! I want you to know that Sherry and I love you both and we are keeping you and Darol in our prayers. I am comforted in knowing that Darol has such a loving family that cares for him the way they do. I'll see you both soon.
Love,
Michael