Going Home

Tomorrow I leave this beautiful center and go home to SLC, UT. Darol will drive with his brother, and his mom to Mesa, AZ, where he will be for an indefinite amount of time. Darol wants to be where he will be cared for by his family in a warm climate, and he wants some alone time from me and Kanyon. He says he wants to separate which emotions are his and which are mine. He also says that Kanyon is too much "stress" to have around with him playing and falling on his feet occasionally, causing his tender body intense pain. My heart is breaking and I can no longer allow Kanyon to hear his dad and brother talk about Kanyon like that in front of him.

I am sad to spend my birthday, Christmas, Darol's birthday, and our 5 yr wedding anniversary apart, and yet at the same time I am looking forward to being in my own space to be able to grieve, and see my mom and family again.

I am looking for the gift in this. I am grateful that Darol's family is so attentive to him and will care for him, and that I don't have to do it all myself- the truth is I simply can't do it alone and be a wonderful mommy.  In the same breath or one shortly after, I feel that I am being robbed of this intimate time. I also see that it will be a healing reprieve for me, since I have been in the thick of it for almost 4 months solid now. Reality check I must trust that it is all somehow for my highest good. Even though, right now it sucks really big toad toes.

How's that for some truth?