The Last Camera Kisses Of My Beloved

 

My beloved Darol Jay Allen transitioned from his physical form on January 8, 2010  at 8:00 pm.

My sweet lover, husband, hero, friend, and father to our son Kanyon,  loved the Arizona sunsets.

His last day really does deserve to be told. Although I did not take any pictures, his last day in his body was a bitter sweet celebration surrounded with his family and friends gathered at his brother Deon's house. They all came, sat with Darol, told stories of Darol, cried with Darol, made tamales, fish, fresh salsa, soup, and held a feast. Darol's friend Jeff from his high school days who played his guitar at our wedding came and played melodies by his bed, and Maria sang a few beautiful songs for him. One being, "The Rose".  I know he enjoyed it. He moaned a moan of joy different from his other moans of pain as she sang.  Just the way Darol would have wanted it.

I received the call early in the morning from Darol's sister that he was on his last breath. Shaking, I ended the call and rushed out of the house, and sped to Deon's place. I arrived and Darol's eyes were open, he had family there in the room and they made way for me to be by his side, and gave me some time alone with him.  Instantly, when I walked into the room I locked eyes with him. "There's my Ocean eyes!" I endearingly spoke to him. He was unresponsive and did not move his body. I held his hand and he could not squeeze it back. I knew he was there and was looking intently at me, and I know he could hear me and my words. Kanyon followed in shortly after cuddled in on my lap as I nursed him. Darol's eyes looked fondly at him and I nursing for a long last gaze. Kanyon jumped up shortly and left the room. I stayed with Darol and kept my eyes with his. I spoke from my heart words of love and how he inspired my life, and made it all so magic, and set him free. I told him Kanyon and I would be fine, and that I would always love him, that I am with him all the way, and it is ok to let go. I reminisced about our love filled magic world and how proud of him I am, and to be his wife, the mother of our child. I spoke gratitude to him for every moment we shared. I let him know that he taught me unconditional love.

He relaxed his tense body and closed his eyes and began to go deep. I prayed silently for the angels, and fairies, guides, and universe to come and that he let go quickly and that it be peaceful.  I stayed with him the majority of the day, with short breaks to use the restroom, breath, nurse Kanyon, and eat a few bites of food. I cuddled next to him for some time in the bed and sang to him, and spoke more words of love to him. I rubbed lavender oil as well as some other comforting oils on him. Touched him gently, kissed him a thousand kisses, and cried with him.  He did not open his eyes again until his last few breaths that evening, when he opened his right eye partially, and I locked my sight on it. I wondered and even spoke aloud the question of  do you think he can see me. But I know he could, even though only partially open was his eyelid and he was receiving a blue baby saliva sucker extraction from his mouth performed by his sister, I just kept locked on his eye, watched his breath which had been stopping regularly for some time for 5 seconds, then increased to 10-12 seconds, and then a few more breaths, and this last breath exhaled as his sister sucked out excess saliva and he simply did not start again. I kept watching, and waiting, and after a few moments I said to the lovingly chattering, chuckling room of  his friend Howard who had just flown in and family who were chuckling about a shared story of Darol, " Do you realize he is no longer breathing?" His sister checked for a pulse and sure enough he was not. I kept watching, waiting for his breath. It happened so fast, so peaceful, I almost missed it, like a kit on a string slipping away while you run around daydreaming and then look back and your kite is gone with the wind. I was holding his hand, sitting in the second chair next to his head, his sister in the first, but it was the perfect place for me to be in his vision with out strain.

Somehow I ended up close to his face in the closest chair to him and got close to his face kissed him on the forehead and hand and said, "Go to the light my love, you are free." Kanyon came in immediately and sat on my lap, nursed and I cried. I told Kanyon, "Daddy has transitioned now and is no longer with us in physical form. You already know that." Later, Maria told me that Kanyon knew, he was playing and then suddenly began urgently saying, "Mom, Mom, Mom" and she brought him into me. He sat for a bit of time and then went out of the room when he was ready.

I sat there and sobbed deeply for I don't know how long. I stayed in the room with him for over an hour. I called my mom and let her know as I sat in the room and I noticed the time, I was surprised an hour had passed.

Hospice was called,  a woman came (a different woman from earlier in the morning when they were called), the lights came on and she had paperwork. She called the Science Care body donation center and arranged for them to come pick up his body. She left. I spent more time in the room with Darol and dimmed the lights again.

My sister, her husband and son, and my brother just flew in and were being picked up by Darol's sister. They just missed him by an hour. It was good to be embraced by them. Roaming in and out of the room in a dazed sort of way in disbelief that my lover is no longer with me in physical, form. My phone rang near 11:30pm and it was the Science Care Center looking for the house. I went to the curb to flag them in. They woke a neighbor, they had the wrong address. ( Ya. you can laugh here. Although I did not at the time. Can you imagine some guys showing up at your door waking you up, giving their condolences, asking where's the body?)

They were very kind gentlemen dressed in suites and they had paper work.

They got their equipment and we went into the room. I should have taken a picture of the guy in a suite with the black gloves on. It reminded me of some scene from some movie where the mafia man Guido comes to take care of the body.

They were very gentle with my lovers body and with a white sheet they covered him and gently rolled his body toward them tucked the sheet under him and then rolled him back over. I watched as his frail legs were being covered and wrapped and I could no longer watch any more, I had to leave the room. I went into the living room where my sister and brother were and waited for them to bring him out onto the stretcher where we could say one last goodbye to his body. It was so hard to let go of his body even though I know he was no longer in it. I thanked his body for serving him well and for allowing me to love it for the time I had with it. I even kissed his feet sometime during the hours before they came to get him. I was surprised that his body was warm and only began to cool when they were ready to take him.

I stood from the arm of the couch where I had been sitting when one of the gentlemen carried him out, like a baby wrapped in a white blanket. They had his head uncovered, it was like a firefighter was carrying him, then he gently placed him on the stretcher and put a pillow under his head. I kissed his forehead again, and then grabbed some scissors and cut a few locks of his hair giving him his last hair cut. They covered his face and then covered his body with a brown native looking blanket, Darol would have liked it. Then they rolled him away. As I followed them out to the front porch and watched through the grapefruit trees as they loaded him in the van. They started the van and drove away. My sister latter informed me that as soon as they did start the vehicle to drive away Kanyon woke up crying loudly, they brought him to me and I held him there and cried with him on my shoulder and me on my sisters shoulders.

These images of my beloved Darol were taken on our 5 year anniversary, Jan. 1, 2010.

The last pictures I have of us kissing. My favorite kind.

 

Darol You are so Juicy!

 

I stilll feel him with me and I know he is whispering love into my ears daily. Thank you my love for the most magical love life I could have ever loved to live. I only wish that I could have had you so much longer in physical form, made love to you longer, held you longer, and had more babies with you.

Cheers to my wonderful mate, lover, friend , husband, baby's daddy, and the sweetest man I know, Darol Jay Allen, who lived every moment of his life out loud. He transitioned  January 8th, at 8 pm, 2010, he lives forever in my heart and in my son. Love you picked the perfect date and time, symbolizing infinite love, that's just who you are.