A Wonderful breakfast made by Darol! Yummy, Thanks lover!
Kanyon and Darol playing at the park.
Daddy Darol knows how to have a good time.
Having gratitude for this moment.
I had a wonderful day today. (The images above are from days prior to today, and they are just fun to share.)
I was quite productive and found time to play with Kanyon. My brother came over and played, being his birthday it was a gift to share some time with him. We went for a walk and Darol joined us. A simple gift of walking around our neighborhood which I have always enjoyed, and yet I am in hyper gratitude to be able to do this with my love today. Darol has been experiencing pain and walking has not been on the top of his list, especially since he has little body fat to keep him warm in this Utah winter weather. Today was warm and I am grateful for that. I am experiencing gratitude in the simplest pleasures of life, in holding hands, in being together, in the fact that Darol can walk, feed himself, is still working, and desires to live, and in the times that Darol is in little or no pain.
I am grateful for my wonderful family, extended family, and friends who continue to show up, support, and love us. I had a great conversation with one of my sisters today who called to support me, and a wonderful conversation with a dear friend of mine over a latte this evening. I was uplifted and feeling creative after our time together.
I came home to Darol being in bed. I lightly kissed him and stroked my had over his head to his legs. I was saddened to hear him say that my gentle touch hurt. I asked him where it hurt and discovered yet another lump on his head. I am not sure when it arrived. It scares me, and I feel like it is all just a bad dream. I feel so inadequate to do anything about it. I want so badly to save him, to just hold him in my arms and take it all away, to love him to wellness, to believe in healing enough, to just learn what I am to learn from this and fast, before it is too late. The image comes to mind from the animated film the Incredibles where Mr. Incredible was running through the tunnel in the volcano and was bombarded by many black bubbles that took over his body completely covering it until you could see nothing left. As I lay in bed after stroking Darol I reached out to hold his hand and felt into how scared I am, and shared this visual with him. We spoke briefly about how he is dealing with the fear, and how he is feeling, and I cried. Holding his hand I felt another lump on his palm.
I lay in bed for a while thinking. Now I type.
It's been a wave of different emotions. Yesterday, I made an appointment with the Disability office. What a surreal time this is. This just can't be happening. I can hardly believe what I am doing and having to prepare in the event of. What a shock to be placing that call and actually making an appointment. Wow the fear that comes up even doing so.
How do I surrender, trust, and accept what is? How do we co-create something different and create a healing miracle?
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