Gratitude, Wishes,& Baby Kisses

I came home late this evening after a wonderful time spent celebrating the 2 year anniversary of a very special group of women entrepreneurs the Biz Divas http://utbizdivas.com/.  I have been blessed to be with the group, and meet monthly from the beginning  and watch it grow and blossom. I have missed several months of filling my "cup" up, and surrounding myself with these other powerful business women, while tending to the immediate concerns of my family and staying by my husband's side on his journey. Something- I am so grateful that I did.
It felt good to be back and to be embraced once again, receiving hugs, loves, wisdom, and encouragement. The keynote speaker of the evening Jeannette Maw http://www.goodvibecoach.com, spoke on perfect topic for me, Intentional Manifesting. There are no accidents. I have been grappling with this intentional manifesting since I do subscribe to it and use it in my daily life, and now that I have been left with not getting what I wanted or planned for, I have been questioning everything, including this intentional manifesting. I had the opportunity to ask Jeannette, in front of a rather large group of women, even though I was nervous and feeling a bit silly, I had to ask, even though part of me, my soul part already knew the answer, my brain wants to have confirmation, and understanding, so I asked, " How does one get back on track when you don't get what you want, like in the event of loosing my husband?" 
Her response was fantastic, and totally what my soul expected to hear, my brain feeling like a dope for even asking since it had been told already by said soul, yet my brain accepted the answer cowering into submission. Jeannette said, "Well, look at the bigger picture. What did you want?"
My response, " To live out my days with him."
"Are you not?" she asked.
"Yes, I am." I felt my whole being knowing that I do truly have him with me and that he really never has left me. " and I wanted it to be with the body." And that is the catch, I wanted it to be in the flesh and it looks very different than I planned, visualized, and anticipated. She went on, "Let's not discount that and the bigger picture." She went on to speak about how sometimes it's easier to have a relationship with someone that's not right in your face or not picking up their socks....and other perfect words my ears deserved to hear.  And in the end I would still rather fight with him over not putting the lids on containers or what ever else we got to fight about.

Added to this post:
I came home and opened my Catalyst from January. I went through and read a few things and went over the applicable information in an article I had read earlier when I reluctantly pick it up feeling like I may not have the time to read it, and the author....Jeannette Maw!  The synchronicity does not end there. I noticed after several days of having this January Catalyst and reading the article inside the cover. Sure enough the painting on the cover is of a man in a yoga pose the Crazy Eight and the piece is labeled Crazy Eight by Laurie Lisonbee, and their are eight's and figure 8's all over the golden background of this yogi. You may say ya so what's that mean. Well it is another Darol wink to me, he died on Jan. 8th at 8 pm. I felt the nudge to grab the Catalyst magazine and almost walked away from it. I am glad I listened. The contents have served me well. It was like he was speaking to me through these articles and people. Check out the Catalyst cover and contents here:
http://www.catalystmagazine.net/component/magazine/?func=show_edition&id=41

Yes- it feels and looks different, and I don't want to discount the magnificence that his passing has offered. I am grateful for the gifts and the relationship that I continue to have with Darol. He communicates to me often leaving little 'god-winks' in the form of numbers and colors, through my dreams, and sometimes through just feeling his presence. It's opened up a whole new awareness of love without boundaries and beyond a body; as well as a true knowing of what is "soul" and that I am not my body.

I did have quite a wonderful day. I received some reiki healing from a wonderful woman of Start with Love http://www.startwithlove.com and it was relaxing and centering, a whole hour and a half of me being able to just be, while Kanyon was playing with his little friend. I picked Kanyon up and spoke to two of my other wonderful theta energy friends, clearing some of the fear storms that have been raining down on me lately.
Thanks to everyone who has been part of my day! I am in deep gratitude for all those who show up to delight, love, and support me and Kanyon.
Thank you too, to Lauri who inspired me this evening by speaking highly of my blog and how profoundly it has affected her, requesting daily updates, inspiring me to type this late night entry. Thank you too, to the many others who have given me feedback on this blog of my days, and how it has affected you. It feeds me to hear those stories and how they touch others.
I am grateful too, to know and hear how many have been touched by Darol, and the celebration memorial flier.
One friend's husband keeps it on their living room mantel, and won't let his wife take it down, it brings him inspiration to live in his joy, he also uses it to teach in his class. Another friend took several fliers for his class. It's really fun to hear and know that Darol continues to live on and in the lives of others serving in a special way. Somehow it makes it all a little easier.


I went to close my blinds and noticed that it's February and I still have my Christmas tree up. And Who Cares! I left it up after attempting to take it down, and getting a clear NO! from Kanyon. He went as far as pulling out the ornaments I had taken off and putting them back up. So, I left it. He is such a cutie and I am so thankful for him in my life!!!  He delights me daily. The other day at grandma's Kanyon came up and gave me a spontaneous long kiss-right on the lips, eyes open and so connected. It was the best gift!


We still make wishes, Kanyon and I. We have had a ritual while brushing our teeth at night of pulling out a candle in a walnut shell, lighting it, making a wish, and blowing it out. While Darol was journeying though melanoma, we would do this wishing, I speaking my wish aloud for Darol's complete and final healing, and Kanyon speaking his wish aloud of, "Dad."  We always have to do it three times. He loves blowing out the candle. All three times, his wish is for Dad.

The first time being home brushing our teeth together and Kanyon insisting on lighting the candle and saying the word "Dad" and blowing out the candle broke my heart, and was so tender and adorable at the same time. I was impressed he had remembered after so many weeks had gone by.  How do I keep wishing, dreaming, and teaching Kanyon how to do so when our big wish-the one that mattered beyond all others has died and the healing we dreamed upon didn't happen in the flesh?

So I just keep on making wishes with him and trust that everything is perfect just as it is. Just like Darol says in his morning greeting he recorded for me as a surprise early last year and put it on my ipod. I still listen to it, and today in fact, Kanyon took my ipod and was playing with it and got it to play his morning greeting, Kanyon loved hearing his daddy's voice and so did I, he replayed it over and over again until I finally took it from him, we had to go, so mommy could be on time for the Biz Divas meeting. He did not like parting from his daddy's voice and cried hard. I held him and kissed him. No worries we both will listen to it often.